Monday, April 23, 2012

New blog

An absent blogger is a bad blogger.  I'm now close to my biggest weight ever - 225 pounds.  But I'm also married to a wonderful woman and blissfully happy.  And I've started a new blog!

I need a new blog for the new weight loss direction.  A New Narrative, you could say.

Come and visit me sometime!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Inspiration from others

Mary, who blogs over at A Merry Life, has been talking a lot lately about emotions, therapy, and binge eating- and how they relate to one another.  As I struggle with motivation for weight loss - which also relates to motivation to move forward in my life - I also struggle with late night binge eating.  Eating and eating because I like the taste and textures in my mouth.  I don't binge like I used to, there is some more restraint now than there was before, but last night I ate almost half a pound of (delicious) pasta.  I just didn't want to stop, because it was so delicious.

I don't really have any ability to be self-reflective about it right now, besides that I agree with Mary: emotions and binge eating are related.  Except binge eating is also my mechanism for curing boredom.  I just don't know, and I just want to be done with unhealthy eating.  I'm going to steal Janetha's wisdom of the day:

“Do something about it. When something is troubling you, make the commitment to change it. Then begin to act on that decision right away. Some of the influences in your life are under your control, and many of those influences are outside your control. Yet you can always decide upon and put into action a positive response to anything.
Don’t sit around being amazed at how miserable you are and at how unfairly life is treating you. Instead, be amazed at how quickly and effectively you can do something about it.
Don’t complain to others about how tough it is for you. Instead, inspire them with your positive and enthusiastic attitude and actions.
When the world feels all wrong, that’s a valuable signal. It’s your way of telling yourself to get going and make a difference.
You have plenty of good options if you’ll simply make the effort to find them. Pick the best one, get busy putting it into action, and take positive control of your world.”
-Ralph Marston

Monday, July 11, 2011

Why lose weight?

Before Kate, I wanted to lose weight to have someone hot to date.  After dating and then marrying Kate, it appears that not all hot girls and guys need someone thin in return.   Ever since falling madly in love, the drive for weight loss has diminished.  It feels shocking, but Kate loves me just as I am.  So, why lose weight?

My thighs are competing for the finish line, one big mass fighting for space against the other.  There is too much fat for them to co-exist peacefully, so my legs are constantly warring between themselves.  My body is lethargic and I have a constant ache in the small of my back.  Most of all, I am unhappy with how my body looks and feels.  Yet, all of this doesn’t motivate me to eat healthily. 

But today it struck me, eating unhealthy makes me unhappy.  I am good at making choices that make me happy, except around food.  That instantaneous relief floods over me, and my regret at my weight doesn’t seem to correlate with catharsis eating.  But I don’t want to be unhappy, and that’s what unhealthy eating compels me towards.

I feel like I have a new motivational tool against binge eating (all I did this weekend), a reason why I should put down the carb and pick up a book.  All too often I don’t have a compelling reason to be healthier, but my happiness is a priority, and I want to be a happier person.

This analysis is brought to you by this week’s gain:
Weight: 206.0
Week’s weight loss: +.4
Total weight loss: -.2

Thursday, July 7, 2011

This is not working

Weight: 205.6
Week’s weight loss: +2.4
Total weight loss: -.6

I know why I struggle at night.  I'm still not used to being with someone else.  I miss my alone time.  It's my time to focus and move forward.  This is a problem that Kate and I know about, but I seem not to have the willpower to change - newly married life has become a lovely, all-consuming feelings lovefest that I hear makes others nauseous to be around.  (Hint: we have our own songs, and fight about who's nicer/hotter/sweeter/funnier/luckier.)

So this week sucked on the weight loss front.  Next week will be better.  I'm going to have a "mini week" from now until Monday.  Checking in on Thursday does not motivate me.

Over this mini week I will:

  1. Not eat in front of the TV - Even if I want this rule to really be DON'T WATCH TV that hasn't been happening.  So I will address the actual problem of EATING in front of the TV.   It relates to my next rule:
  2. All meals will happen at the table (if we're home) - and kick that ridiculous munching habit away.  If I'm hungry, eat.  If I'm emotionally hungry, pause.
Those are my two rules for the next few days.  That's it. Nothing to do with weight, because while I'd like to lose some, I don't really feel confident I can, and I need to build my confidence up right now.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Evening snacking

My evenings have lately been filled with TV and snacks.  Even though I know it's not healthy for me - physically or mentally - after I return from work I simply don't want to think or do anything.  So we put up an episode of Ugly Betty and eat some popcorn or - like last night - cinnamon toast crunch.

This needs to stop.  It doesn't make me happy.  It doesn't make me healthy.  And it doesn't make me feel refreshed, which is the point of sitting down and resting.  I just don't know how to fill my evenings lately, and it's resulted in a lot of TV, even though there are so many things still left over to do from the wedding.

So, tonight: I will not watch TV.  I will go outside and do something active, even if it's just walking around.  I will be productive.  And that will make me happy (and healthy!)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Weekend binge

This weekend, I got really stressed out about our upcoming move.  Coupled with the lack of sleep, I did not take very good care of my body this weekend.  I ate too much, and I thought about how it was self-destructive the whole time.  But I did it, it's done, and now let's move on.

My work out this morning was hard.  It was really warm, my iPod's gone (stolen) and I am sleep deprived from this weekend. My weight's up considerably, and I'm feeling unprepared for the week.  I made lasagna for lunch, and I calculated the calories after it was in the oven - 500 calories per slice!  Not the best ever.  But it's full of veggies and extra, super delicious.

But it's a new work week, and I can make healthy decisions from here on out!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Week re-cap

Weight: 203.2
Week’s weight loss: -3.0
Total weight loss: -3.0

It's been a week since I began to focus on weight loss/healthy eating again.  My goals were really important to me – Kate and I both paid attention to them, and tried to accommodate them into our schedules.  (Kate and I are constantly attached at the hip; we share one calendar.)   I feel like after a week, I’m ready to move onto some more goals, some of which are also health related.

Last week’s goals were:
1.       Lose a pound - SUCCESS
I didn’t just lose one pound – I lost three!   My starting weight was 206.2, and I ended three pounds lower, at 203.2. 
2.       Count calories every day this week.  Do not stop on the weekend – 6/7
Every day, but Saturday.  Pride got in the way, and I’m okay with that. 
3.       Count calories every evening, before I go to bed – 5/7
This only got done because of Kate.  She’s really great at reminding me.  It’s hard to count calories when you know you’re over.

This week’s goals will look very similar to last week’s:
1.       Lose a pound (or two, or three)
2.       Count calories every day this week.  Do not stop on the weekend.
3.       Count calories every evening, before I go to bed.
4.       Make healthy, not pre-packaged lunch.