Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I love me

Despite today's challenges, it's been a good day. When a fellow bus passenger tried to pick a fight with me and used me as a backrest and spoke rudely about me to fellow passengers, I just put some good music on my iPod and danced right there on the bus. I accomplished a lot in preparation of tomorrow's big event at work. I did my job - and I did it well. Yet I told myself at least once, "I Hate You."

I don't mean to be hurtful or negative to myself, and I often say it to myself when I'm not even unhappy with myself. I say it just because it's my basic emotion toward myself. I try to believe that my body is a temple, but more times than not I think of my body as the dirt on the temple floor. I've been trying to change this thought process, but it's hard. Generally when, "I hate you" pops into my head, I'm surprised and don't know what brought on those thoughts.

SparkPeople has a section for Emotional Eaters (called Mind Over Body Fat, which I think is hilarious), and I started going through it this evening. Their first "step" in ending emotional eating is "Put 'I' in Your Vocabulary": "If you have persistent difficulty actually exercising like you know you need to, for example, you probably don't describe this problem to yourself with thoughts that begin with the pronoun 'I'." And it's true. I never say, "I hate me." I always say, "I hate you." I am very proud of myself, and love myself a lot. It's that external demon that I hate. I need to learn to say, "I love me" instead of this negative crap.

The goods of the day: I ate 1,210 calories. Rockin' it. Am awesome at my job. Had an AMAZING work out this morning. Got home early from a meeting and got to do laundry (which is a huge relief!). My life completely rocks right now!

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