Weekly Weigh-in (170.2)

Current weight: 170.2

Pounds lost: -56.2

When I stop weighing myself daily it means I'm not prioritizing weight loss.  I haven't been weighing myself daily for months now.  Partly because of the insane drama of my life the past few months, partly because I'm trying to adjust to these many changes I've been ecstatic to enjoy, and partly because of burn out.  Well, I'm re-lit this week, and I'm back.  To stay, I hope.

I'm still adjusting to living with my girlfriend.  The fact that my time is now shared with another (amazing) person is a little hard, but fun at the same time.  She likes that I cook lunches on the weekend for us to enjoy during the week.  I like that she does the dishes.  

Getting up is the hardest part.  I haven't made it consistently to the gym since we've been together, and I'm not entirely sure that's going to change.  Going to the gym five times a week while living with someone (with such a packed schedule!) is not something I'm able to maintain right now.  Instead, I think I'm going to make a goal of getting to the gym twice a week.  It's bolded, so I'll remember. 

It's okay if I don't go to the gym five times a week, though, as long as I eat well.  Plus, it's a 1.8 mile walk to BART and back again, that I walk every day.  It might not be a 400 calorie burn, but those 200 calories make a difference.  Historically, exercise is just a way to handle my overeating.  I'd prefer to just not overeat.  

How can I challenge myself?

Kristen of Low Fat Dressing made a great comment the other day when I was talking about being unmotivated.  She suggested a food challenge to spice up my weight loss routine.  I'm currently in hyper regret mode, and trying to simply take back all those calories I've eaten the past few weeks.  My goal is to create a daily 1,100 calorie deficit until Monday, but I have no idea what comes after that.

I love this idea of a challenge of some kind, but I don't know what I should do.  I've been thinking of trying to start a Biggest Loser type of group here in SF.  Something where everyone puts in $15 at the beginning, and whoever has the largest percentage of weight loss at the end of the time gets the bounty.  It wouldn't really be about the money, but the accountability and having a group to meet with.

Or I could start that fruit, nut, and veggie diet I wrote about before, but I'm afraid I'd grow tired of the diet rather than it bringing excitement to my life.

I know I need to get back to my morning workouts.  I've been exercising after work mostly, and it's not the same.  I need the structure in my life, to remind myself on a daily basis that I am losing weight.  When I work out, I use that time to concentrate on my next goal, the goals I've accomplished, and how I'm going to make the day the best it can be.  It's been nice to sleep in, but I think I need my morning mantra and accountability again.

But working out has always been the easy part for me.  I don't know what to do about the food.  Especially since I now have homemade hamentashen lying around my house.

I wish...

I wish I could have a healthy relationship with food.  It's better now than it's ever been before, but I still obsess about my hunger level and the food I'm going to eat.  I wish I could view food as a delicious nutrient, not something to satiate me during times of boredom and stress.

I wish I could leave food on my plate without a lot of thinking and indecision.  I wish I could not obsess about taste.  I wish it wasn't all about food. But it's always all about food for me.  My birthday was celebrated with deliciousness, holidays are thought-out weeks in advance, and I adore cheese in huge amounts.  I wish I innately understood portion control.

I wish I didn't gain 3 pounds this week. 

When does a snack become a meal?

My dessert after dinner is the same thing I eat for breakfast.  Well, almost the same thing.  I don't have butter with my breakfast, I eat it plain.

If I'm still hungry after dinner, I will eat a cinnamon raisin English muffin with butter.  It tastes like dessert, has carbs (which I have a hard time eating enough of), and isn't too caloric.  With only 160 calories, it is a great and filling after dinner.

The problem is that it's generally 160 calories after a full 400-500 calorie dinner.  That makes my dinner and dessert half of my daily caloric budget. I would like to better balance my caloric intake throughout the day, but I know that come dinner time I'm going want to abandon the control I've let into my day.

I'll do portion control, but you can have four 100 calorie ice creams, and that's a whole meal through portion control.  I'm good at putting the food in the bags, but I'm not good at making sure I only eat one. 

A cookie is enough calories for a meal, but does it make it a meal?  Popcorn is as filling with 300 less calories.  When does a snack become a meal?

Delicious snacking!

I know I'm late to the game (or at least all my college friends claim I am), but I just found my new favorite snack - edamame (soybeans).  They taste like they were roasted in butter and are a delicious low-calorie snack that are fun to eat.  They make me feel like I'm eating luxuriously without "wasting" the calories.

My 400 calorie lunch

My 400 calorie lunch includes:

Turkey sandwich
1.5 ounces of turkey (2 slices)
1/5 of an avocado
1/2 tablespoon of fancy delicious oil
1 Orowheat Sandwich Thins
Calories: 255

Carrots
1 bag of Bolthouse Farms pre-packaged baby carrots
Calories: 25

Sweet potato
1/2 of sweet potato I cooked last night and heated
Calories: 125
(Calories are approximate for the yam; no one has calorie info for an actual yam not cut up)


TOTAL CALORIES: 405

That's pretty darn good for 3 different things on my plate.  I am loving the Orowheat Thins.  They taste good and provide for my bread fixation.  And darn that yam was good.  Such a delicious, low-calories, and healthy dessert!

Edit
The plate is super big.  It was a hearty lunch, just a large plate diminishes it's size.  I swear! 

Oh holidays, oh holidays

I have been thinking about family dinners, holiday parties, and being home, just like everyone else who is trying to lose weight.  My (terrible) plan for eating this holiday season: not have one.

It's not a very healthy plan, and it's not the best, but I've given myself a rest... month.  I simply don't know how to count calories and stay motivated while not maintaining my routine.  It's terrible, I know.  I just feel like I just need a rest, though.

I am excited to start up again after I return from Michigan in early January.  I can't wait to have my cooking, working, and exercise routine back.  This is similar to those who start their plans on January 1, but at least I know the steps now.

Hope you all are enjoying this holiday season. 

Lunch

To best track my food and save money, I bring lunch to work every day. I try to make a homemade meal a week. Lately I've been tracking my spending and have been exasperated on how much I spend on food. Buying a frozen bag of noodles and sauce at Trader Joe's - which lasts me 3 days - is much cheaper than a lot of the casseroles, burgers, soups, and sandwiches I make myself. The sodium counts on these processed foods is high, and my body does not react kindly to it. I've been trying balance cost with nutrition, and have been falling short. Healthy options are often expensive!

I've been buying a lot of frozen vegetables lately, pictured above. These too are expensive, but less so than their fresh versions (that are not currently in season). It comes out to approximately $1 per serving, because I generally eat two servings at a time of my veggies, which is a good price for a snack or meal side.

I make quite a few cheap meals, but none of which can be easily brought and kept at work. My favorite transportable meal thus far has been chicken kabobs. I have been eating significantly more meat since I began this journey, and I feel guilty for eating meat every day. But it's a nice low-calorie protein source that feels me up.

Any suggestions?

Taco weight loss system

My friend just started the Nutrisystem, which sends people pre-packaged meals that they add fruits and veggies to. You order for 28 days at a time, and the program follows a low-calorie meal plan. Despite the fact that I restrict my calories, I know that this plan would never work for me.

I like flexibility. Even when I plan out what I’m going to eat, I don’t necessarily eat it. I like substituting things and mixing it all around. I’ll eat lunch for breakfast and breakfast for lunch.

I also am amazed by how much I’ve learned on this journey. I am currently enjoying what tastes like deep-friend tacos from my good friend Trader Joe, and after 8 of them I still have calories left in my daily budget. I would have written these tacos off before, and assumed that the enchiladas in the freezer would be better for me. I would have been wrong. (I also would have eaten a whole BIG bag of potato chips, among other fat things.)

I now know about fiber, portion size, fat, calories, and protein – and that’s just a sampling! I know what full feels like! Before I only knew what being stuffed felt like. If I wasn’t hurting from the food I just had, I would be going back for seconds, or thirds, or fourths. I don’t think I could have learned that from NS.

Yet, I feel like you could learn those things from NS, and more importantly, I think the system begins a journey that someone is taking. I can see the advantages of the program: you know everything they give you is "safe", taking out the stress of figuring out what is "okay" and what is not. It is so important to take those first steps and just deciding to make a change. I am really proud of my friend for taking charge of her health by riding her bike to the grocery store and trying to eat properly. Hopefully the food doesn’t taste half bad and she too is enjoying her dinner as much as I am.

I had already eaten most of the salad before I thought to take a picture. DELICIOUS!

I am currently enjoying the best salad I've ever made, and most definitely the best mistake I've ever made. I tried to make turkey burgers last night, but the burgers fell apart as they were being grilled. So I treated the meat like the ground turkey it was and created little clumps. I was inspired by last night's Mexican dinner to create a taco salad, and boy is it delicious!

My amazing salad features:

• 1/4 pound ground turkey (marinated in BBQ sauce)
• 1/2 cucumber - peeled and pitted
• 1/2 tomato
• ounce of cheddar cheese
• 3 cups of iceburg lettuce
• 2 tbsp of Trader Joe's Light Cilantro dressing

Total calories: 365

Land of food

I have been getting really sick and tired of my morning breakfast. Because I eat at work after my workout, I traditionally eat something boring – cereal, oatmeal, bagel – but I’m never fully satisfied. This week I decided to try out the breakfast Lean Pockets, and I’m really liking them. They’re not as good as a homemade English muffin with cheese and egg, but as a microwavable substitute, they work well. They’re fast, easy, filling, and – most importantly – are under my 400 calorie range (290!).

For filling snacks I’ve been enjoying beef jerky. An ounce is 80 calories, and while it’s not that much beef jerky, it’s very filling. I’ve been keeping it around the house and office to get me through until my next meal.

My biggest food problem is when it comes to dinner – and after. I can do my thing during the day just fine – I’m good at sticking to routines – but once I get home it’s so often lost. I eat and eat and eat, especially when it comes to sweet things. I’ll often crave desserts after dinner, and will snag one of those 100 calories snack packs. Sometimes it’s not all I snag, though. I’ve been trying to be more inventive and giving myself desserts that feel exorbitant and huge, but aren’t so bad. My new favorite is a tablespoon of peanut butter with a serving of Monet crackers (250 calories total). It’s really good, there’s quite a few of them, and it fills both my yearning for starch and sweet.

What's a meal?

I am very frustrated with myself right now. I've actually been frustrated with myself for the last two months. I haven't been sticking to my plans. I don't eat the right foods, or within the right ranges, and I ignore my better judgments and eat and eat and eat.

The other day on SparkPeople or CalorieCount or one of those sites, I read a question along the lines of, "If I over-eat, should I reduce my calorie intake the rest of the day or week?" The answer said that you should eat normal meals for the rest of the day if you're still hungry. When I was thinking about it, I realized I didn't know what a "normal meal" might be. I have been trying to eat the smallest amount of calories possible, and have no mental mechanism to gauge what's normal after I've blown my calorie count.

So, quite simply, I've decided to cut my calorie target - 1,240 calories - into three. This means a "normal meal" is 400 calories. Of course there's a range here, but it gives me a good idea of what I should be shooting for in a meal, where before it was "Eat as little as possible and still be full". This mechanism allows me to still feel successful, even if I've made bad choices for other meals.

(Picture from Diet Blog's 300 calorie meals)

Small margin of error

One of the hardest things to do while counting calories is doing just that - counting calories.

Hungry after I had finished my lunch (and given myself 30 minutes to digest), I went scrounging around the farmers' market looking for something to eat. The spinach paratha looked appealing, so I bought it and ate some. The only problem is that sparkpeople doesn't have spinach paratha in its database of calorie counts. It took some googling to find out that my after lunch-lunch was a good choice: only 150 calories in the half a slice I had. Thankfully.

I have finished all my meals with only 92 calories to spare! But 92 calories to spare means I have calories left over - I have finished my day within my margin! Two days of success. That's wonderful news. I am still not getting enough protein in, and I'm not exactly sure how to increase that amount. I don't care for meat that much, and I'm tired of eggs. I think I need to increase my bean consumption (which is currently at zero). If you have any suggestions, I would welcome them.

Healthy and delicious eating

I just had the most delicious salad.

• Lettuce
• Yellow tomato
• Red onioin
  
• Broccoli

I let the salad marinate overnight so I don't need a dressing. The yellow tomato's sweetness mixed with the onion's sharpness creates its own delicious dressing.

Oh yummy!

A scarcity of abudance

Earlier this week I worked in a "recession relief" food pantry, giving out food to (presumably) families that are in need due to the current economic crisis. We handed out hundreds of pounds of carrots, potatoes, onions, rice, beans, and a variety of other items. What was so depressing, though, is that this food would last a family of four a day - maybe. If a family was in real need, they would have to go hungry, or travel to another food pantry.

The entire situation is sadly ironic.

Here I am, an overweight woman whose main problem is I have too much good food, and I'm volunteering to help those who don't have the beginnings of enough food. As one of my spiritual leaders said recently, "There's a distribution problem."

My main problem with eating is that I binge. I find something delightful (banana chips, ice cream, pasta), and then I eat and eat and eat, until way past the time I am full. Yet there are those in the city I live who don't have enough to eat, much less to get fat on.

I often feel guilty about being fat. There is - of course - the guilt of binging, or the guilt of self-loathing, but there is also the guilt of privileged. With luck of the draw I have the problem of too much food, while - and let me be cliche here - there are children starving in Africa. And San Francisco. And every city. One in eight people are hungry in the United States, and I stand with the growing numbers of obese Americans. Let's hope, not for long...

Dropping a size

After a few weeks of pants sliding down (sins belt, since women's pants seem to have a code against practicality), I went shopping today. I didn't really expect to fit into a size 14 pants, and grabbed a large range of sizes.

I tried on a size 14 first. Looking at it, I just laughed at myself. I can't yet fit into something so tiny! I tentatively put my foot in, expecting the pant leg to only slide up half-way. As you can guess, they not only slid all the way up, but fit too!

The last time I was a size 14 was when I was 14! When beginning this weight-loss journey a little over half a year ago, size 14 seemed so far away. I still can't believe I've accomplished this goal. Last year at this time I was a size 22.

I am currently at my parents' house. They are "foodies" and I always have such a struggle not binging on all the delicious things they keep in the house. Tonight we had an "antipasti dinner" of just amazing appetizers that my mom cooked up from her ingenuity. I had at least 10, if not more. They are just so darn good. It would be better if she was a terrible cook. :)