Day 1 recap

Yesterday was a good day.  It was beginning of Pride weekend for me, and I went out dancing with my wife and some awesome folks.  Dancing is my favorite work out ever, and combined with my morning workout and lunch time walk, I kicked some calories' butts.

After writing yesterday's post, I emailed it to my wife and asked for help. I can't do this alone this time, I'm just not motivated enough right now.  Kate immediately started on the project.  Before going to a goodbye party, I went to Subway to get a sandwich and didn't eat or drink at the party (yay healthy planning choices!).  But then I met up with friends, and we went out to dinner.  And Kate totally stuck by me and helped me make healthier choices.  Because she's the best.

Of the two goals this week that I want to do every day, I totally rocked them yesterday.  Both in large part to Kate!

1. YES - Count calories every day this week.  Do not stop on the weekend.  
2. YES - Count calories every evening, before I go to bed

Right now I'm feeling really great about Day 1 and really lucky to have Kate and such fantastic friends.  I'm finally feeling in control and that makes me happy.

Picking myself up and feeling empowered

I've been sick with a cold the last few days, and it sucked.  I finally feel more myself today, and I'm excited to go back to work tomorrow.  I began cleaning up my "sick area" (the couch), and there were so many dishes, teas, cups, and a whole empty box of EmergenC scattered around.  I sure had a party over there, while watching TV, and stuffing my face.

But I'm back from that overeating extravaganza.  I got up at noon today, after calling in sick this morning (and finding my bed again), and after I lazed around for a bit I felt much more energized than I did all week.  My head didn't feel it was on backwards anymore after I took the morning slowly.  At 5 p.m. I decided that I was indeed well enough to try for a run, which is all I've wanted to do for the last week.

And boy did I run!  My last run was on a treadmill, but this time I just ran through the park by our house.  I never realized before just how powerful my body was.  My legs carried me so far so quickly - it felt amazing.  When I'm running a treadmill, I don't see the trees and people whizzing by.  The 60 second runs were a lot more interesting to me than my 90 second walks, and I was eager to hit that 90 seconds so I could again let the world whiz by.

I came home winded, but so glad I went out running.  I feel guilty for not going to work today.  If I can run, I can work, you know?  But I didn't really feel okay until late afternoon.  I'm glad that I took the day to get better, and I'm glad that I did the 2.5 mile run.  I mean, I RAN 2.5 MILES!  That's so cool!  I'm so amazed by what my body can do.

Weekly Weigh-In (185.8)

Current weight: 185.6
Total weight loss: 40.6

Wow!  I'm really surprised - I met my (updated) goal for January.  I wanted to be 186.5, and at 185.8 I totally rocked it.  


I was at a conference this weekend, and almost every meal had more than half my plate filled with vegetables and fruits, and they were sure delicious.  The caterer even made the cauliflower taste good!


It feels so empowering to finally feel like I'm "on track".  I am on the path toward achieving my goals - losing at least 5 pounds a month before the wedding (in late May).  I almost saw 190 more than once this month, and it feels so fantastic to see the scale slowly come down.  For awhile, 185 felt like an impossible number.  


My willpower is improving, and my goals are feeling more tangible.  I want to also train for a 5k.  Today is supposed to be my second run, but I'm feeling pretty awful and might skip the run in favor of resting and trying to be well enough so tomorrow I can come to work.  It's really frustrating - I've been looking forward to this run all weekend - but I'd prefer to stay healthy than force my body to do something it simply can't do and stay well.


My goals for February are to continue on the path that I set up for myself this last week.  I want to:

• Continue to train for a 5k
• Lose 5.8 pounds (be 180.0 by February 28)
• Continue to blog

The last one is a must!  I'm really excited - I've been chosen as one of Health Month's February bloggers!!!  I just love Health Month and jumped at the opportunity. I also like what they ask of their bloggers.  From an email they sent:

Write at least once a week about something Health Month related... how it's working for you, how it's not working for you, how you're adapting it to your special circumstances.  Don't feel pressured to censor yourself on my behalf at all... the best way to get the most out of this experience is to be as honest as possible.

I totally can do that.  I can't wait!  February's going to rock! 

Running towards the goal

Today I began the Couch to 5k program.  Week one is: run 60 seconds, walk 60 seconds for 20 minutes (with a warm up and cool down).  Simple enough.

On minute 8 or so I began thinking that week one just wasn't for me.  I mean, come on, walking more than running?  I haven't been a couch potato.  I exercise at least three times a week - if not all five work days.  I can just skip these first few days of the program.

By minute 11 or so, I was glad I kept on trucking.  My legs and heart were starting to burn.  I could feel the strain on my body.  It was the perfect combination - strained, but not exhausted

When I was on my final 60 second run, I ran harder and faster than I had before.  It felt great.  Exhausted, I was happy to walk off the treadmill and feel a little bit accomplished.

Running isn't exactly my thing, but I'm going to try and keep with this.  I like feeling accomplished and I need more of it.  Plus, just like I said it would, totally totally rocked (calories wise).  And if I hadn't had a goal, like running, I know that I would have eaten more of those delicious Trader Joe's swiss almond cookies.

It's a journey

It's a journey, and yesterday I fell into the metaphoric mud.  Not so badly that I broke anything, but enough that my pants got stained.  And I knew it was coming.

After celebrating my accomplishment - being in my calorie range for the first time in a long while - I knew a bad day was next.  It's just how it goes with me.  I'll do great one day, and poorly the next.  Too much coffee, a free bagel bar, and a long conference later, I was picking myself up from the mud.

Even though I missed my work out this morning, today has the potential to totally rock.  Being engaged has been very hard on my routine.  I have not yet figured out how to motivate myself enough to leave a beautiful woman behind in bed next to me.  Instead, I packed my gym clothes "to go" and I'm going to hit the gym after work.

I talked with a colleague of mine yesterday, who found running during her weight loss journey.  She said that finishing a race makes you feel like you can do anything in the world.  After reading A Merry Life's triathlon journey, I am feeling inspired.  I put the Couch to 5k podcast on my iPod.  Running has always been hard for me, but I want to feel that sense of accomplishment, feel like I can complete something.  I'm going to see how it goes for me at the gym today, and see if a 5k might be in my future.

The only problem with running is that it doesn't nearly burn as many calories as other aerobic activities.  With those wedding pictures looming in my future, it definitely feels like a race to the (weight loss) finish.  Then again, I have been maintaining my weight, and a goal might be just the thing to tip the scales, so to speak.

Emotional eating, soothing excercise

While my morning rituals (wake up early, step on scale, go to the gym, eat at work) have been decimated over the past few months, I am slowly going through the destruction and picking up the pieces.  Stepping on the scale was one of those pieces I've been collecting the last week or two. But this morning I didn't even bother.

Last night I woke up with such extreme anxiety that after an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to get up and be productive.  I have never had problems sleeping - light, noise, environment - nothing bothers me.  After an hour and a half, I started eating, hoping the food in my stomach would numb the wedding-related terror.  (Lovely Lady and I are looking at venues this weekend, and I feel so unprepared!)

It was a food storm.  And this morning, I didn't step on the scale.

But this morning was the first morning that I went to the gym in a long time.  After my last post I realized that I need my morning routine back.  It was a glorious morning at the gym.  Normally I play fast music and try to keep up.  After last night, though, I wasn't prepared to sweat my heart out like that.  Instead, I played some soothing music and just went at my own pace.  It was just perfect - relaxing, endorphin-producing, moved my body, and got me out of bed.

Weekly Weigh-in (170.2)

Current weight: 170.2

Pounds lost: -56.2

When I stop weighing myself daily it means I'm not prioritizing weight loss.  I haven't been weighing myself daily for months now.  Partly because of the insane drama of my life the past few months, partly because I'm trying to adjust to these many changes I've been ecstatic to enjoy, and partly because of burn out.  Well, I'm re-lit this week, and I'm back.  To stay, I hope.

I'm still adjusting to living with my girlfriend.  The fact that my time is now shared with another (amazing) person is a little hard, but fun at the same time.  She likes that I cook lunches on the weekend for us to enjoy during the week.  I like that she does the dishes.  

Getting up is the hardest part.  I haven't made it consistently to the gym since we've been together, and I'm not entirely sure that's going to change.  Going to the gym five times a week while living with someone (with such a packed schedule!) is not something I'm able to maintain right now.  Instead, I think I'm going to make a goal of getting to the gym twice a week.  It's bolded, so I'll remember. 

It's okay if I don't go to the gym five times a week, though, as long as I eat well.  Plus, it's a 1.8 mile walk to BART and back again, that I walk every day.  It might not be a 400 calorie burn, but those 200 calories make a difference.  Historically, exercise is just a way to handle my overeating.  I'd prefer to just not overeat.  

Yoga

Since my mobility is severely limited, especially in comparison to my routine daily workouts, I did a yoga class earlier this week.  Not only did it not leave my hip sore after (but boy did the rest of my body feel it!) it really inspired me.  Ever since the yoga class I have tried to avoid processed and frozen foods, which is most of what I keep around, and my body seems to be feeling better energized.  I made some homemade butternut squash soup and have been eating way more veggies than usual.  Yummy!

Yesterday I had my second Tuesday evening class.  During last week's class I was so exhausted and overwhelmed with the pain that I ate a lot more than I should have, and I was very proud with how I dealt with it yesterday.  Studying at the cafe during dinner time, I responsibly only ordered a banana and ate the dinner I had planned.  Passing up an opportunity to eat bread is really hard for me, and this is a HUGE accomplishment in my book!

Weight loss is a lot harder when you can't exercise, and I'm hoping to go to the doctor soon to get it all checked out.  If nothing else, so that he can give me some strengthening exercises, because this sure does suck!

Working it

I work out to lose weight.  I do what they tell you not to, and exercise on the same machine (the elliptical) every morning.  I know I should shake it up and work different muscles every week, but I like dancing on the elliptical to some great music on my iPod.  I figure that I don't need to change it up until either my muscles start to feel sore or I reach my goal weight (and want to build muscle). 

For every five pounds I lose, I try to change the settings on the elliptical.  Sometimes I do, and sometimes it's still too difficult.  I know that I need to increase my activity and decrease my caloric intake to compensate for my lower weight.  So, without trying to, I have increased my fitness level.

I started on the elliptical at a Level 8 incline and Level 6 resistance.  I am now at a 9 incline and 11 resistance.  And I am burning about the same amount of calories as I was 50 pounds ago - in the same amount of time - which is incredible!  It feels great to be more fit and healthy all the way around!

You gotta move it, move it

Tonight is the first time this week that I’ve been home before 10 p.m., and this is not at all unusual. My professional and social obligations keep me out late at night, yet I almost always manage to wake up in time for the gym. Almost.

I work out in the morning to avoid possible scheduling conflicts. The later in the day it gets, the easier it is to simply not go to the gym. Opportunities, dates, work comes up, and I stay away from the elliptical machine.

Despite my 6:30 a.m. wake up time, I am not a morning person. My alarm is set a whole hour before I must roll out of bed so that the multiple times I hit the snooze don’t keep me from exercising.

Yet, I really do enjoy working out in the evening. I feel more energized after my work out, and more coherent during the day. I am considering changing my work out schedule, but I’m afraid that if I exercise during the evening it will become more of a suggestion and less of a routine.

I think that once I move from my apartment and blow all of my money on that project, I am going to sign myself up for dance classes. The problem – as always – is that I don’t know what type of classes I want to take. Salsa? Bhangra Indian dancing? Samba? Belly dancing? Hip hop? Ballroom? Swing? I love all forms of dance, and each one appeals to me in a unique way. I have been paralyzed by choice, just as I often am paralyzed by choice in the toothpaste aisle. I just need to go ahead and close my eyes and just dance.

Breaking through my plateau

I really wish I could say that for the past two weeks I've hit a plateau, but that's simply not true. I've been gaining weight. The first few days were entirely my fault - I wasn't eating anywhere near my calorie goal - but then my body just kept gaining after I reigned in my eating. This was really hard for me. I easily resort to self-depreciating "fat thinking", which often motivates me to quit. Despite this, I worked through it, ate and exercised correctly and ... gained weight.

It was so disheartening to see my weight climbing above 180 the morning after I should have seen a half a pound drop (according to calories in-calories out calculation). But I kept on keeping on.

This morning my weight was suddenly back! I am now under 180, again. But I feel as if my body is playing tricks on me.

Yesterday I ate nothing but crap. I had chocolate, cookies, brie (delicious), blue cheese (oh goodness yummy!), some huge burger wrap thing, among others. And this morning is when I saw the loss.

It makes some sort of evil sense, though. As SparkPeople says, when you hit a plateau you can jump start your weight loss by: nutrition, rest, and variation. Maybe the chocolate yesterday was the variation I needed. Plus, I let my body rest and didn't work out, which I've been doing religiously since the gain.

SparkPeople has a lot of great information on their site about fitness in their "Pitfalls and Plateaus Section" other than the plateau 3-part article I mentioned. A few I picked at random: 4 signs It's Time to Change Your Workout, and Are You Cheating Yourself At the Gym?

Step up

I have a new workout partner (R), who I found through craigslist! R and I met up to work out, and the gym was packed, with lines for every single cardio machine. We decided to take a step class instead. R did step in college, but I was completely new to it. We stuck with it for the first 30 minutes, which shows our dedication. By minute 2 I was completely lost. I spent more time marching in place and laughing than I did twirling, turning around, or going backwards – as everyone else was doing.

The problem was two-fold. First, it was an Intermediate Step class. As mentioned, I’ve never taken a step class before, so taking an intermediate step class was probably a bad first step. (Sorry about the pun.) Second, the teacher didn’t care that we newcomers (about 7 people in the class total) were completely clueless. She acted like she was part of the class, and did not repeat the complicated steps, but just did the whole routine with the class and moved on to a new step.

Despite the frustration of not knowing what I was doing, it was a lot of fun. I want to do a beginning step class sometime, but ironically the gym doesn’t offer one. This, of course, makes me feel justified in R’s and my frustration toward the instructor. Oh well. I’ll go to another gym sometime and try it again, but this time take the beginner class.

Working out

I work out every day I go to work. It's just part of my routine. On the weekends I am typically the laziest person you've ever met. Which is something I'm trying to change.

This last weekend I did two very active things, which were fun and I didn't see as "exercise" until later. I went on a beautiful hike up Mt. Diablo, and I went out dancing with my roommates and their friends. It was a great weekend, and I hope to recreate the fun this weekend. (I'm thinking about going on a hike in the Marin headlands). It was a great way to get my butt moving, and just have a lot of fun with friends. I'm looking forward to buying a bike - when my savings account allows - and going biking with my friends who are bike aficionados.

Routine on pause

I create organized systems for every part of my life. I like routines, I like consistency, and I like numbers. Which is why I have a very consistent Monday through Friday routine. I work out in the morning, run five minutes late to work, and then pretend to go home at five. (Generally, I have a planned work/activist/social activity. I rarely am actually home.) I make my lunch the night before, pack my clothes for the next day, and go to bed.

This morning I slept through my alarm, and woke up about the time I should have been half-way through my workout at the gym. I'm trying to decide what that means for the rest of my day. Do I exercise after work? Tonight is the only night this week I don't have plans, and I was looking forward to going home, relaxing and doing laundry. On the other hand, I know that the next week will be difficult for me weight-wise due to the vacation. I SHOULD work out after work, but I think I'm just going go home, do laundry, walk around a bit in the park, and go home and enjoy my new room.

I am very good about my exercise routine (normally). It's just a habit - get up and go to the gym. But I am terrible with food. As I think I've mentioned before, I'm a food addict. An alcoholic once said, "I don't want just one drink. I want ten." The same with me and food. I don't want one of anything. I want AT LEAST ten.

I've tried to handle this in a variety of ways.

1. I'll buy food I can have a lot of, like baby carrots or broccoli.
   
2. I'll pre-portion everything. When I make soup, I immediately put it into portion-size containers. I will eat whatever's in front of me, so I need to have the food in a portion size I should consume.
   
3. With the help of portion control and calorie counting, I am slowly training my body to know what is a portion. I have been on this training path for over six months now, and it's still going slowly.

I no longer can eat an entire cake, but I can still eat half of one. This probably doesn't sound like a huge improvement, but it really is. Unlearning a lifetime of habits is slow-going, and every small sign of progress is a huge success, even if it takes months and years to get it right.