Thursday, March 25, 2010

Hi y'all

I haven't forgotten about this lovely blog here, but I've been super busy lately with work and play.  For the moment - I'm giving myself until after Pesach - I'm going to be a bit quiet over here.  See you all soon!  Chag sameach (for those Jews out there)!

[The Jewish holiday of Passover begins next Monday evening, and I have quite a few Seders to attend and plan until after the eight day holiday is over.]

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Weekly weigh in (166.6)

This week’s weight: 166.6
This week's weight lost: -1.8
Total weight lost: -59.8

I only have time for a quick update today.  I just returned from New Orleans, and I'm still trying to process the experience. The group I went with was amazing.  We did a mix of volunteer work (gardening mostly), learning about the area and devastation after Katrina, and having fun. 

Between dancing and gardening, I got a good work out to counter all the alcohol and fried foods I ate and drank.  Because I didn't get near enough sleep, I wasn't hungry most days and didn't eat very  much.  This ended up being a great combination for weight loss, and despite my terrible eating earlier in the week, I still lost 1.8 pounds.  I am just 1.6 pounds above my goal line now, which is great.  I hope to be on or below my goal line by the end of the month. 

We talked a lot about food justice while in New Orleans.  While this issue isn't a high priority on my personal values matrix, it is very relevant to this blog.  I think it will be a good way to connect my experience there with my own lifestyle changes.  So you can look forward to some New Orleans food updates coming soon!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Food choices

Bad food day today.  I'm at a calorie deficit of 200, when my goal is 1100!  But tomorrow is another (long) day, and I'm going to try my hardest to work out.  I think I may work out before lunch.  It's going to be an 11 hour day otherwise, since I haven't been taking lunches lately because I'm so busy.  So I'll take an hour and a half lunch and look radiant for the last half of my day. 

This is okay.  Tomorrow is a new day, and in the meantime I have a job I adore.  (I've been eating to help me get the writing flowing for my five minutes speech to the Board tomorrow.  Very excited!)

Weekly weigh in (168.4)

This week’s weight: 168.4
This week's weight lost: -2.0
Total weight lost: -58.0

Two pounds down, and that’s including the weekend-long birthday party!  I passed up the greasy food and ate pretty healthy most of the week.  Go me!

I’m getting over being sick right now.  I’ve been sick for what feels like forever, but is really only two weeks with varying illnesses.  So my exercise routine is the trash (making a 2 pound loss even more impressive!), and I’m trying to stay good with my eating.  Today feels like one of my “bad” days, but calorically speaking I’m doing alright, as long as I don’t keep snacking!

I’m off to New Orleans on Thursday for a service learning project.  My exercise routine will be replaced with temporary construction worker, as we help re-build the area.  I’m very excited to be visiting!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I am not my friend

I am the worst friend to myself.  I am constantly critiquing and judging myself, and I rarely give myself encouragement besides the forced-feeding every time I realize I'm being negative, and I try to retroactively say something positive instead.

And it's been even worse lately.  I simply haven't been caring about much of anything, and as someone who is normally passionate and excited by life, this has led to some dismal weight-loss and self-confidence efforts.

I've been trying to change my internal dialogue for years now, and it goes slowly.  I often say "I love you" to myself, which makes me feel silly.  Yet, I feel just fine with the onslaught of "I hate you"s that is in constant repetition in my head, in reference to every small thing I've ever miss-done, even years later.

Last night, like many nights before, I completely binged.  Despite the fact that I had "wasted" my calories by 5 p.m. (oh delicious cookies!), it was a frustrating day and hunger remained.  So I ate.  I didn't eat anything too calorie extravagant - gnocci, 100 calorie ice cream, a Cliff bar - but more calories than I would have at a normal meal, and many more calories than I had budgeted for in the day.

Ironically, this morning I woke up sick (head cold), the scale was up 1.2 pounds, and I was late; and this morning I felt better than I have all week.  I felt my energy back and I felt the sun shine on me.  (Literally - it's finally sunny after days of rain.)  And I know that I will win this journey, even if the scale is not kind to me, even if I am not always kind to myself, and even if I mess up.  I will continue to try, and that's all that matters.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Weekly weigh in (170.4)

February 15’s weight: 168.0
This week's weight: 170.4
This week's weight lost: +2.4
Total weight lost: -56.0
February’s weight lost: -1.4

I skipped my weigh-in last week, but I’m back now.  I’ve been feeling very badly about weight recently – how did I manage to gain 4 pounds?!  (I weighed myself last Wednesday, and was at 172.)   I’m feeling unsuccessful and off-goal.  So it is a shock to me that I still managed to lose 1.4 pounds in February.  It’s not the 4 pounds I was aiming for, but it’s still a loss and it makes me feel somewhat successful.

Accordingly to my goal chart, I should be at 167.  While three pounds is truly a very small amount, it’s the difference between feeling like a winner and feeling like a failure.  I want to stay on-goal, I want to stay successful.  I’ve been trying to tell myself that I am successful – I have lost 55 pounds!  But I still can’t shake how many pounds off-goal I am, and trying to figure out ways to get back on-goal. 

But I did lose 1.4 pounds this month.  And I know that by the end of next month I’ll be able to say I’m on-goal again.  I just know it.  I’ve begun working out in the mornings again and I’ve been studiously tracking my calories.  I know I can do this!