Land of food

I have been getting really sick and tired of my morning breakfast. Because I eat at work after my workout, I traditionally eat something boring – cereal, oatmeal, bagel – but I’m never fully satisfied. This week I decided to try out the breakfast Lean Pockets, and I’m really liking them. They’re not as good as a homemade English muffin with cheese and egg, but as a microwavable substitute, they work well. They’re fast, easy, filling, and – most importantly – are under my 400 calorie range (290!).

For filling snacks I’ve been enjoying beef jerky. An ounce is 80 calories, and while it’s not that much beef jerky, it’s very filling. I’ve been keeping it around the house and office to get me through until my next meal.

My biggest food problem is when it comes to dinner – and after. I can do my thing during the day just fine – I’m good at sticking to routines – but once I get home it’s so often lost. I eat and eat and eat, especially when it comes to sweet things. I’ll often crave desserts after dinner, and will snag one of those 100 calories snack packs. Sometimes it’s not all I snag, though. I’ve been trying to be more inventive and giving myself desserts that feel exorbitant and huge, but aren’t so bad. My new favorite is a tablespoon of peanut butter with a serving of Monet crackers (250 calories total). It’s really good, there’s quite a few of them, and it fills both my yearning for starch and sweet.

Small problem, easy solution

For the first time in a long time I’ve been feeling more energized by my weight loss journey. It’s all mental - I believe I can do it, so I do it. Trying to make all of my meals 400 calories has helped me a lot, and ironically led me to stop counting calories – in a good way. I know when I go over my 400 calorie limit, and have been taken to only counting the excess. Yesterday I ate two too many cookies, adding about 400 calories over my goal of 1,200. So I hit the gym last night. Small problem, easy solution. Sometimes it’s hard to see it that way.

Biggest Loser is back, and I have started recording it now that I have a DVR. There are the same problems as before – the trainers aren’t kind, exercise is seen as torture rather than fun, it’s overly dramatic, and there’s a ton of competition – but I still like it a lot. I find it motivating. I have always been fat and unable to shop in regular stores, but some of the contestants are fat and are on the verge of not being able to shop in fat people stores. It’s really motivating to see them get it done. I am energized when they fall and get back up, and by the energy they bring to weight loss. The Biggest Loser was a great thing to watch before I hit the gym myself last night.

Since figuring out the Normal Meal principle I talked about in my last post, weight loss has felt easier - or at least easier to succeed. I still eat too much at night, but I have a way of quantifying the good along with the bad. I have been pleasantly surprised by the weight I've lost this week.

Despite the fact that last night and the night before I ate too many sweets and starches, I now weigh 2 pounds less than I did last week. It goes to show that one ruined meal - or two or three - does not mean that my weight loss plan is ruined. I find that hard to remember late at night, despaired at the sheer amount of food I ate that day and still wanting more.


In other news entirely, it's almost the Jewish New Year! Which means that Yom Kippur is coming, where you have to fast the whole day. I haven't fasted ... ever. So we'll see how it goes this year.

What's a meal?

I am very frustrated with myself right now. I've actually been frustrated with myself for the last two months. I haven't been sticking to my plans. I don't eat the right foods, or within the right ranges, and I ignore my better judgments and eat and eat and eat.

The other day on SparkPeople or CalorieCount or one of those sites, I read a question along the lines of, "If I over-eat, should I reduce my calorie intake the rest of the day or week?" The answer said that you should eat normal meals for the rest of the day if you're still hungry. When I was thinking about it, I realized I didn't know what a "normal meal" might be. I have been trying to eat the smallest amount of calories possible, and have no mental mechanism to gauge what's normal after I've blown my calorie count.

So, quite simply, I've decided to cut my calorie target - 1,240 calories - into three. This means a "normal meal" is 400 calories. Of course there's a range here, but it gives me a good idea of what I should be shooting for in a meal, where before it was "Eat as little as possible and still be full". This mechanism allows me to still feel successful, even if I've made bad choices for other meals.

(Picture from Diet Blog's 300 calorie meals)

Working out

I work out every day I go to work. It's just part of my routine. On the weekends I am typically the laziest person you've ever met. Which is something I'm trying to change.

This last weekend I did two very active things, which were fun and I didn't see as "exercise" until later. I went on a beautiful hike up Mt. Diablo, and I went out dancing with my roommates and their friends. It was a great weekend, and I hope to recreate the fun this weekend. (I'm thinking about going on a hike in the Marin headlands). It was a great way to get my butt moving, and just have a lot of fun with friends. I'm looking forward to buying a bike - when my savings account allows - and going biking with my friends who are bike aficionados.

Summer's back!

And I'm back!

Not having internet really took a lot out of my productivity and weight loss goals. I wasn't able to log my calories (which I do all online), which put a real hit on my weight loss abilities. In the four weeks I was without connection, I didn't gain any weight (yay), but didn't really lose any either.

I'm still not feeling completely motivated, but I read a quote on Roni's Weigh that I found is a goood motivation:

“The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it. Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation. And then, guess what? After you start doing the thing, that’s when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it.” - John Maxwell

Exactly. I need to just do it. I need to just count my calories, and stay within the range.

Internet addict

I never realized how much I depended on the internet until my roommate told me that our internet was as good as a dinosaur: a thing of the past. Without home-access to the glories of blog, calorie counts, my e-mail, I might as well be eating cookies all day.

Three healthy meals a day and two snacks can either mean daily consuming 1400 calories, or 2,000. It’s hard for me to guesstimate until after I’ve entered the calories into SparkPeople. I’m amazed at how quickly everything can add up. Who knew my salad with carrots, garbanzo beans, tomatoes, and chicken – all healthy things – can end up being 450 calories of deliciousness.

I’m trying to cope the best I can, but it’s really hard and I’m not doing so well. Hopefully this problem won’t last too much longer.