Morning weigh ins

Yesterday I stayed within my calorie goals, and this morning I woke up to a .8 pound loss. This isn't uncommon for me. If I've had a long time since I've stayed in my calorie counting goals (it's been awhile), then I will see an immediate loss.

Today I've successfully stayed in my calorie goal again! I'm really excited to see what tomorrow morning's weigh-in will look like.

I had already eaten most of the salad before I thought to take a picture. DELICIOUS!

I am currently enjoying the best salad I've ever made, and most definitely the best mistake I've ever made. I tried to make turkey burgers last night, but the burgers fell apart as they were being grilled. So I treated the meat like the ground turkey it was and created little clumps. I was inspired by last night's Mexican dinner to create a taco salad, and boy is it delicious!

My amazing salad features:

• 1/4 pound ground turkey (marinated in BBQ sauce)
• 1/2 cucumber - peeled and pitted
• 1/2 tomato
• ounce of cheddar cheese
• 3 cups of iceburg lettuce
• 2 tbsp of Trader Joe's Light Cilantro dressing

Total calories: 365

The difference between 20 and 300

Trader Joe's vanilla meringues are a delicious treat, and at only 1 calorie per mini meringues, not very hard on my calorie budget. That is, until I eat half the tin.

I will eat whatever is in front of me. If I have the whole tin of meringues, I'll eat the whole tin. One of the best solutions I have found to overeating is portion control. I now have dozens of pre-portioned sized treats in my pantry and freezer, including the mini meringues. I also enjoy portions of beef jerky, fruit mixes, and lunches. I just made myself lunch and dinner - both portioned out - for tomorrow and Thursday. If I hadn't divided the portions before I began eating tonight, I know I would have eaten too much - just because it was in front of me.

Without portioning out food, I don't think I could have stayed on track today. This is the first day in awhile where I actually stayed under my calorie budget. And I made delicious tacos with ground turkey meat! (Very easy, and 450 calories for two tacos!)

Always hungry

Since I started keeping my meals at or under 400 calories, I've found myself hungry during the day. Previously my meals were about the same as I eat now, but I snacked throughout the day. I have tried to completely eliminate snacking so I will make more conscious food decisions throughout the day, but I've been so hungry!

SparkPeople released a new tool that allows you to track the calories burned through walking. The tool is integrated with Google Maps, and you can develop paths on the map. This is great because a lot of pathways in San Francisco (specifically in Twin Peaks) aren't on the maps. This way I can get a more accurate calorie count on my daily routine.

I had never included my walking in my calories burned before, but with the integration of this new feature in SparkPeople, I tried it. I realized that I burn 600 calories more a week than I thought I did! When I put that new information in SparkPeople, their new program for me had me eating 1,400-1,750 calories a day - 200 more than my current limit! No wonder I've been hungry.

I'm not sure how I'm going to incorporate this information into my routine yet. I could do three meals at approximately 475 calories each, or try to keep myself at 400 calorie meals and enjoy a 200 calorie snack a day. The problem with this, of course, is flexibility. When I have more choices, I generally ignore all my good options and go for the worse food item. But I know I can make this work, and I am going to make it work!

Eating in the living room

My new place is gorgeous and has a wonderful DVR player. I haven't had real TV in years, and I'm starting to enjoy lazing about and just watching The Biggest Loser, Glee, Dollhouse, or Grey's Anatomy. I have been enjoying the TV so much that I have started to watch every day, and eat dinner while sitting in front of the screen. With my attention elsewhere, I don't fully enjoy the food I'm eating and will eat more than what I should.

I realized that this was the reason for my weight holding steady this week, despite the 1,200 calorie burn yesterday. While I've had my slip ups (oh nachos, you were so delicious), I thought I should at least see a .2 pound drop somewhere in there. When I thought about it this morning, I realized I have no way of really knowing how many calories I had last night, because I wasn't paying attention to what I was eating.

I am going to try and implement Roni's Rule - no eating in the living room. I have a beautiful dining room table to eat at. I'm trying to adapt to living in a house with a TV and I need to create some boundaries. I am still trying to learn how much TV is appropriate, and what I can and should do while watching TV.

Dancing the night away

I should find weight loss as an affirmation of success, but I've unconsciously finding it proof that I need to change myself. I don't want to compromise my personality, but I also want to find the sexy self-confidence of fellow club goers.

Friday night I went out by myself to a club, which is something I used to do often when I was younger. I went out by myself because I didn't think I had anyone to go out with me. Now that those circumstances have changed - and I may actually know people in the club - I find it terrifying to walk through those doors alone. Oddly, having friends has made me more vulnerable to fear, and to thoughts about what I need to do to change myself.

Before I hid under the idea that no one would want to be with me because I was so fat. As the fat is starting to sink away I have been taking a lot of time to try and look at how to improve who I am. This, of course, is under the flawed assumption that I'm not great as the person I already am.

It was really great on Friday to go alone. I walked by the club the first time because I was terrified, but after I walked in I started to feel the the thrill of chatting up people and moving to the music. And it turned out that I knew quite a few fellow Mills graduates and they were thrilled to see me.

I haven't been very passionate and confident lately, and it's really nice to see that return. I am going to try to change my perspective - just because I'm changing how I look, doesn't mean I change who I am.

"I got a perfect body because my eyelashes catch my sweat." - Regina Spektor, "Folding Chair"

Land of food

I have been getting really sick and tired of my morning breakfast. Because I eat at work after my workout, I traditionally eat something boring – cereal, oatmeal, bagel – but I’m never fully satisfied. This week I decided to try out the breakfast Lean Pockets, and I’m really liking them. They’re not as good as a homemade English muffin with cheese and egg, but as a microwavable substitute, they work well. They’re fast, easy, filling, and – most importantly – are under my 400 calorie range (290!).

For filling snacks I’ve been enjoying beef jerky. An ounce is 80 calories, and while it’s not that much beef jerky, it’s very filling. I’ve been keeping it around the house and office to get me through until my next meal.

My biggest food problem is when it comes to dinner – and after. I can do my thing during the day just fine – I’m good at sticking to routines – but once I get home it’s so often lost. I eat and eat and eat, especially when it comes to sweet things. I’ll often crave desserts after dinner, and will snag one of those 100 calories snack packs. Sometimes it’s not all I snag, though. I’ve been trying to be more inventive and giving myself desserts that feel exorbitant and huge, but aren’t so bad. My new favorite is a tablespoon of peanut butter with a serving of Monet crackers (250 calories total). It’s really good, there’s quite a few of them, and it fills both my yearning for starch and sweet.