Stressed and sweet

Work is super stressful right now.  We have a half dozen amazing time-intensive projects going on, and it's very hard to keep on track of everything.  So hard, in fact, that I can not do it.  Simply put, I'm stressed.  (As a little disclaimer, I love to be stressed.  So I really do love times like this.)

The problem with stress is I become distracted and overwhelmed, which prompts bad eating.  Just half an hour ago, wondering how I'm going to be able to do all the things that need to be done in the next two hours, I was craving a cookie.  If only I could go out and get something sweet, I told myself, I would return to work refreshed and be able to get this work done.

I made myself tea instead. 

I kept working and am enjoying the delicious yogi tea I bought myself, saving money and calories today!  I'm very proud of days like today.  It makes me feel like this is a battle that will soon be less urgent and less demanding.  Victories like this make me believe that one day I will be able to have a healthy relationship with food.  Just one day of taking healthy over delicious or bad for me is a victory, and today marks the SECOND day I've overcome my temptations!  Maybe getting injured is a blessing in disguise - I am now eating healthier than I ever was while exercising.

Yoga

Since my mobility is severely limited, especially in comparison to my routine daily workouts, I did a yoga class earlier this week.  Not only did it not leave my hip sore after (but boy did the rest of my body feel it!) it really inspired me.  Ever since the yoga class I have tried to avoid processed and frozen foods, which is most of what I keep around, and my body seems to be feeling better energized.  I made some homemade butternut squash soup and have been eating way more veggies than usual.  Yummy!

Yesterday I had my second Tuesday evening class.  During last week's class I was so exhausted and overwhelmed with the pain that I ate a lot more than I should have, and I was very proud with how I dealt with it yesterday.  Studying at the cafe during dinner time, I responsibly only ordered a banana and ate the dinner I had planned.  Passing up an opportunity to eat bread is really hard for me, and this is a HUGE accomplishment in my book!

Weight loss is a lot harder when you can't exercise, and I'm hoping to go to the doctor soon to get it all checked out.  If nothing else, so that he can give me some strengthening exercises, because this sure does suck!

Weekly weigh in

Whoops!  Forgot to update with my weekly weigh in information.  I even had it written out!

Last week's weight: 172.2
This week's weight: 174.4
This week's weight lost: +2.2
Total weight lost: 52.0

I'm not happy with a two pound gain, but I also know it's not the end of the world. Not working out has had a significant effect on me. I am not very good at keeping to the eating part of my diet, and I heavily supplement my weight loss routine with exercise. Mixed with the fact that I feel bored being stuck in the house, and have been eating out of boredom, I'm not surprised with the gain.  But I hope the week will be better.  (And it has!)

I wish...

I wish I could have a healthy relationship with food.  It's better now than it's ever been before, but I still obsess about my hunger level and the food I'm going to eat.  I wish I could view food as a delicious nutrient, not something to satiate me during times of boredom and stress.

I wish I could leave food on my plate without a lot of thinking and indecision.  I wish I could not obsess about taste.  I wish it wasn't all about food. But it's always all about food for me.  My birthday was celebrated with deliciousness, holidays are thought-out weeks in advance, and I adore cheese in huge amounts.  I wish I innately understood portion control.

I wish I didn't gain 3 pounds this week. 

When does a snack become a meal?

My dessert after dinner is the same thing I eat for breakfast.  Well, almost the same thing.  I don't have butter with my breakfast, I eat it plain.

If I'm still hungry after dinner, I will eat a cinnamon raisin English muffin with butter.  It tastes like dessert, has carbs (which I have a hard time eating enough of), and isn't too caloric.  With only 160 calories, it is a great and filling after dinner.

The problem is that it's generally 160 calories after a full 400-500 calorie dinner.  That makes my dinner and dessert half of my daily caloric budget. I would like to better balance my caloric intake throughout the day, but I know that come dinner time I'm going want to abandon the control I've let into my day.

I'll do portion control, but you can have four 100 calorie ice creams, and that's a whole meal through portion control.  I'm good at putting the food in the bags, but I'm not good at making sure I only eat one. 

A cookie is enough calories for a meal, but does it make it a meal?  Popcorn is as filling with 300 less calories.  When does a snack become a meal?

Limping along

I am not a good sick person.  I make a fuss.  I don't work through the pain, I cry through it.  I whimper and complain and don't get things done.  Which is why it must be really irritating for friends and family that I'm still hurting.

Last night I ate within my calorie budget until the end of the night.  After my class - which took me 20 minutes to limp the 3 blocks to - I was so exhausted and hungry from pain that I ate the sweets sitting on the table... and then some.  Even in the moment I knew that I shouldn't be eating the delicious sugary concoctions, but I did it anyhow.  I need to stop making excuses.

I am trying to relax so my body can heal quicker, so I did not exercise this morning.  This gives me even less room to mess up during the day.  I need to keep a strict diet (something I've never been good at) to continue my weight loss this week.  I do not want to have pain as an excuse not to achieve my goals.  I can do this!  (I hope!)

Delicious snacking!

I know I'm late to the game (or at least all my college friends claim I am), but I just found my new favorite snack - edamame (soybeans).  They taste like they were roasted in butter and are a delicious low-calorie snack that are fun to eat.  They make me feel like I'm eating luxuriously without "wasting" the calories.