Lovely lady and weight gain

Still overeating.  Still gaining weight.  Still happy.

Having a hard time prioritizing myself when there's this gorgeous lady in my life I can prioritize instead.  It's not sustainable, and I know I need to change it.  But it's fun right now, so it's hard to fight the urge to please the Lovely Lady and cook delicious, not necessarily nutritious foods.

I've never had a hard time prioritizing myself before.  This is a fun, happy-inducing, hard thing to learn.

Weekly Weigh-In (174.6)

Current weight: 174.6
Week's weight lost: -1.4
Total weight loss: 51.8


It's hard to write a number in the 170s.  I feel that I should be in the 160s, because that's where I left off.  That's where my lowest weight is.  All that energy I took to get into the 160s is now gone.  It feels wasted.  I know that this is about the journey, not the weight, but it's still hard to not judge myself for being heavier - again.  It's hard to get excited about a pound a half drop, because it feels like it's a pound a half closer to what it should be.


On the plus side, a pound a half!  Yay!  And that's even with too way-too-much pizza last night. I know that I'm on this amazing journey toward a healthier me.  It was amazing to hike on vacation.  I love living an active lifestyle.


Goal review and how last week went:

1. Routine - 
• Daily weigh-ins - YES, for the days I had a scale.  This really helps me
• Weekly blog weigh-ins - Hellllo there!
• Morning gym routine - SCORE!  Last week I kicked ass in this department - for the two days I was at work.  I was "off" during vacation, and I took a lazy day this morning - but tonight!
2. Lose a pound a week  - 
• YAY! 1.4 pounds!!!
3. Small, achievable goals with a method 
• Maintain an average 500 calorie daily deficit - more or less, depending on the day
• Eat four 300-400 calorie meals a day - this is my downfall.  I've had many 700 calorie meals this last week
• Eat between 1,400 and 1,700 calories a day, depending on exercise - Doing okay here.
• Plan meals ahead - I know what my lunch will be this week.  That counts, right?
4. Make healthy choices - Trying.  I'm trying.

The tools of the trade

After yesterday's crazy weigh-in of 5 pounds in one week, I wrote this list of the tools that I need to use to actually lose weight.  

The tools I need for success:

1. Routine - This morning I got up early and went to the gym.  It was amazing and great.  I love being out as the world begins to wake up, and starting my morning off right.  I've somehow misplaced my iPod, but hope it turns up.  All the same, my morning work out routine begins my day right with focusing on being healthy.
• Daily weigh-ins
• Weekly blog weigh-ins
• Morning gym routine
2. Lose a pound a week  - This is tied with the next thing - small, achievable goals - but I need a realistic larger goal too.  I also need to feel like I'm a success
• If my weight really is 176.0, I want to be 170.0 by October 1
3. Small, achievable goals with a method - This is the only way I can loose weight.  I know that if I have a measurable goal, it makes slip-ups manageable and doesn't make me feel like a failure.  To lose a pound a week, I need to be at a 500 daily calorie deficit.  (A pound is 3,500 calories, divided by 7 days.)  I naturally burn 1,900 calories a day without exercise, so I need to eat 1,400 calories a day to create a 500 calorie deficit.  
• Lose a pound a week, 170.0 by October 1
• Maintain an average 500 calorie daily deficit
• Eat four 300-400 calorie meals a day
• Eat between 1,400 and 1,700 calories a day, depending on exercise
• Plan meals ahead
4. Make healthy choices - This is the hardest one by far.  There is no tool for this one, there's on my inner psyche.  I make healthy choices by prioritizing myself, which I do by sticking to everything I wrote above.

Evening check-in

After having a bad weigh-in and a revelation of sort this morning, I wanted to check back in this evening.  I was conscious of my calories all day, which is something that hasn't happened for many months.  I made decisions in part on calorie information.  I didn't make the best decisions today, but I also didn't make the worse.

I ate 1,900 calories today.  This is exactly what I would need to eat to maintain my weight.  Thankfully, I also burned 470 calories today, creating a deficit.  I am 30 calories shy of my 500 calorie deficit goal, but that's much closer to that goal than I've come in a long time.

Breakfast:
English muffin with a Morningstar sausage patty and salsa

Lunch:
Trader Joe's mix - frozen brown rice, melted cheese, salsa, and Morningstar grillers patty

Snack:
Pretzels and oatmeal raisin cookie

Dinner:
Salmon, summer squash, bed & butter and half a cheesecake

Totals
Calories - 1900 (goal: 1400-1700)
Carbs - 194 (goal 160-247)
Fat - 76 (goal 30-59)
Protein - 118 (goal 58-133)

Weekly Weigh-In (176.0)

Current weight: 176.0
Week's weight lost: +5.2
Total weight loss: 50.4


A five pound gain in a week?  I'm not even sure what to say.  Yeah, this week hasn't been my greatest for healthy eating, but five pounds is unbelievable.  Or maybe it's just a wake up call.


I have been haphazardly tracking my calories.  I have meal goals (300-400 calories), but I am not accountable to them.  I've been practicing the general goal of "LOSE WEIGHT" rather than "lose weight by doing x, y, and z".  I've realized I need at least an a, b, and c.  I need small, achievable goals and know how I am going to get success.


So I'm going to prioritize myself among the stress and new situations, and create these goals.  I realized that I've been feeling like my life isn't in control, so I couldn't prioritize myself among the wedding planning, crazy schedule, and Lovely Lady.  But it is in my control.  I can choose to prioritize myself.  And I'm very lucky to have a supportive Lovely Lady who encourages me to do what I want for my body.  

Emotional eating, soothing excercise

While my morning rituals (wake up early, step on scale, go to the gym, eat at work) have been decimated over the past few months, I am slowly going through the destruction and picking up the pieces.  Stepping on the scale was one of those pieces I've been collecting the last week or two. But this morning I didn't even bother.

Last night I woke up with such extreme anxiety that after an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to get up and be productive.  I have never had problems sleeping - light, noise, environment - nothing bothers me.  After an hour and a half, I started eating, hoping the food in my stomach would numb the wedding-related terror.  (Lovely Lady and I are looking at venues this weekend, and I feel so unprepared!)

It was a food storm.  And this morning, I didn't step on the scale.

But this morning was the first morning that I went to the gym in a long time.  After my last post I realized that I need my morning routine back.  It was a glorious morning at the gym.  Normally I play fast music and try to keep up.  After last night, though, I wasn't prepared to sweat my heart out like that.  Instead, I played some soothing music and just went at my own pace.  It was just perfect - relaxing, endorphin-producing, moved my body, and got me out of bed.

Goals, goals, goals

I love living with my Lovely Lady, and I love being with her every second we're both free.  We have packed schedules and don't spend nearly as much time together as we would like.  And we have very different natural schedules.  The Lovely Lady is somewhat a perfectionist, and is willing to go to bed at 3 a.m. to get things done. I, on the other hand, like to be asleep by 10:30.  Sadly, we've been compromising by going to bed around 1:30.

My weight loss has been stagnant for awhile - even before the Lovely Lady and I were involved - not least of which is because I had already begun going to sleep much later.  Amazing Dane Findley (family friend, and productive guru extrordinaire) is doing a 4:15 Experiment - where he's going to wake up at 4:15 for 30 consecutive days in a row to increase his productivity.  The extremism of the experiment wouldn't work for me (4:30 every day!  Yowzers!) - I need much more flexibility in my life - but I'm tempted to try a similar change in my own life.  I used to be able to leave the house at 7 a.m. without much problem, and I would like to do that again sometime soon.

Committing to early mornings means that I need to spend less time with Kate, sadly.  For the past few months, that wasn't a decision I was willing to make.  As my life is getting crazier, though, I'm really missing the self-care time morning workouts allow me.

If it's not part of my routine, it doesn't get done, which is part of the reason I haven't made it to the gym very often these past few months.  I need to make weight loss, eating healthy, and the gym a priority, but that's so hard right now because I'm so in love....